I take my phone into the restroom with me for an instant getaway. I shut out the current chaotic situation and enter into a momentary blissful-paradise. I’m laughing at myself that a quiet bathroom with a phone is being compared to paradise. That’s silly and real and pretty pathetic too. I browse Instagram and find myself escaping to Fiji with the mom who somehow does and has it all on that damn beach. Her children have designer freaking swimming suits AND they have all the money do everything they can possibly dream up. Probably a nanny and homemade pasta and a garden that someone else takes care of and all the time in the world to do..well, whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it.
Here I am on my toilet and just barely making it some days.
I have been putting my phone down more recently. I want to remember that I have it all.
Everything I could possibly need right here. These hands and heart are here to love my kiddos and wipe their faces clean. Even if I have the “cool mom” wipes or not (seriously..that’s a thing) and I have a little chair to pull up next to a little table while my daughter paints. I can sit there and watch her and tell her she’s lovable and capable and just right. I have words to share with my friends and with the world. I tell my husband he is doing a good job and tell myself I am beloved.
I have the time to listen and love and the right to speak up if I don’t believe in something.
All right here, without buying or doing anything. I’m learning that it stresses me out to be anyone besides myself. That when I try to keep a pristine household, I do it with bitterness and no one is happy. That when I let the laundry pile get a little bigger because my husband wants to dance in the kitchen instead or my daughter wants one more book; that it’s okay. I’m being myself and I am doing just fine.
When I start to sweat and think I don’t have it all, I get grabby. I look around for things I need to take and have for myself. This will help. If only this. If I looked like that. If my kids had these pair of shoes, then..
Enough. Oh, how I have enough. Nothing more do I need to take.