Consumed with Me

You know those days when you try to blame someone else for your bleh mood?

My personal bleh mood defined:
Going days/weeks/however long without facing my frustrations and emotions.
Trying to power through my weaknesses without really addressing them fully, but pushing them down so I can be perceived as strong and together (together and Mom, not synonymous, p.s.).

I was in a funk 2 days ago, again. Crap. I was fighting it, suppressing it, and secretly hoping God would SHIZAM a good attitude into my bones so I could be a good Mom and Wife. Easy way out for 1 please??!!

Nope. Drew and I had a date night last night and I was still lackadaisical, insecure, bleh. 
After trying to blame him for my funk 16 times, he decided to speak truth. That it was ME who was in the funk, not him. (Gosh darn, he is pretty much ALWAYS absolutely right.)

Over a wonderful dinner at Seasons 52, one of our favorite spots, we finally put words to my funk…I was being selfish, egoistic, thinking of me and only me.

How can I get out of the house today?
How can I relate to my friends better?
How can I get my workout in?
How can I make money?

All I statements, not bad..but when they are ONLY things you are thinking about, you get consumed in nothing else but (drumroll please….) YOURSELF!
It’s horrible, but it’s so gosh darn easy to do. One of Satan’s little tricks. Damn him.

I have not been serving, I have been thinking of ME.
I have not been calling my friends to see how they are doing, I have been thinking of ME.
My trials. My growth. My struggles. My time.
Bleh.
I’m done.
Time to be others-focused.

Thanks for letting me rant : )
JH

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One thought on “Consumed with Me

  1. Hester says:

    Aw, Jeniece, I’m sorry you were in a funk. We all have them. I’m definitely in one as I was in a major car accident on PCH in Newport Beach (UGH!) on Tuesday afternoon and have been so depressed since. Although it’s sad my car’s going to be totaled (wah!), it’s the guilty feeling I have that I keep dumping problems (so I feel) and financial stresses on my mother. She’s dealing with it a lot better than I am. She’s already made an appointment for us to see cars tomorrow at Honda. I don’t feel like I deserve it. Perhaps this is what mothers do? What do you think?

    I hope that your funk has dissipated by today and that you’ll have a great weekend with all the warmth and humidity that we’re getting πŸ™‚

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