Becoming a Mom freaked me out. Not because I never dreamed about it…I often did. Imagined myself 30 something, career behind me, “ready” for a baby (being ready for a baby is a bit like being ready for a tsunami, never quite ready) but freaked because the timing. It happened SO fast. As I have said before, I often feel like a little girl who is supposed to be raising a little girl.
When I first met Reese on March 23rd, I feel in love. Of course…but not until these past few weeks has it really sunk in.
Month 1-4 I feel like I was just barely going through the motions, just so I could make it out alive (Momma’s, ya hear me?!).
It’s a different season now. Reese is becoming a little person who laughs, screams for frozen yogurt (shouldn’t have let her taste it…gulp) smiles, demands the attention of strangers, swims, rolls, and still has this strange fascination with peas. She didn’t get that from me. I simply enjoy her. As I fed her carrots this afternoon I started crying. No joke. Full on crocodile tears hitting the floor speedily. I never thought I could have so much love for a 14 pound someone. So much love.
It’s a beautifully messy thing. One that I can’t describe in the least. Kind of like when a dessert is so good, you just have to sit there silent, dumbfounded with greatness. That times a million. (That happens to other people, right?)
So to those new Moms,new employees, to the hard times I say, “You’re gonna make it after all.” You will. The hard times will be nothing but a reflection before you know it. Until then, be present, keep fighting, and eat your peas.