As I stepped into my bedroom, I took a deep breathe behind the door, allowing myself a moment to reflect on this very entry; Mid-brainstorm, I was called out, “mama!..” I’ll get to this later
When I feel the warmth of inner steam take over, sprinting towards the need of a new something or two; a deeper issue usually needs to be uncovered. Not always do I have the strength to dig. Drew has been busy with “work,” as I find myself mind-jogging back and forth for what to fill my days. I get anxious, it’s just her and I..how do I entertain her, how can I still feel accomplished?! I envy his structure. O, just to be able to clock in and clock out..to get paid every other week..
I like being able to point. Point to what exactly I’m to do, how much I am getting paid, my responsibilities, structure. Clear and concise.
As he puts on his uniform, I escape into my white linens that need another wash. Do I wait for her to wake or try to sneak in a hot shower before the day begins?!
This is MY job. Unconventional. I clock in early and don’t really clock out ever.
Sometimes I forget that. I fantasize structure.
I hear my creator softly say, do YOUR best here. Right here. You are mine, so you are enough. This is your job and it is glorious and it is enough. A day is NOT wasted when “nothing” gets done besides loving on my little daughter. That is an absolute win.
That no matter what I do or don’t do…my identity is in Christ. He sees me as HIS. That He loves me just as I am. He created me with love and attention, not letting one detail go unnoticed. I am his, and that is enough. I get to point to Him. My perfect, just, loving creator. He is for me, and I am his.
Enjoy your weekend, lovelies!