When Love Dries Up & A Giveaway


Sweet friends get ready to tie the knot this year, reminding me of my wedding day (and how much has changed since=everything). The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller is a book packed full of wisdom on Marriage. I have been rereading it the past few days.

“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.”
― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

I’m a feeler, not a decider. Growing up a total brat (ask my parents), I rarely did something I didn’t feel like doing. Stubborn as all hell.

If my room was spotless, it’s because I wanted it to be, not because I was asked. Yikes.

When I’m at the end of my rope, it looks something like this: Andrew has been working for 72 hours straight and Reese has been sick as a dog. Being an extrovert, staying in all day makes me feel like the world has ended. He comes home and I want to give a thumbs up and run away. Run far, far away to Glen Ivy Hot springs and stay there for a week and a half. I deserve that! The mushy “love” feelings have dried up, so..peace out! Nothing is wrong with getting a break, believe me. But running away because I don’t feel like loving is wrong.

I speak this, decide to love. I don’t love because I feel like it. It’s a decision. Sometimes it feels like putting on a mask. Knowing what I need to do, even thought my insides are saying something completely different. I feel like getting pampered and sippin champagne in a jacuzzi overlooking Laguna Beach, thankuverrymuch. The more I practice pushing through, the deeper my love grows. It’s true, I promise.

Exercise the muscle of pushing through and loving, even when I don’t feel it.

…We must say to ourselves something like this: ‘Well, when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think “I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.” No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us – denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him – and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He said, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. That is why I am going to love my spouse.’ Speak to your heart like that, and then fulfill the promises you made on your wedding day.”
― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

He did it for us, I am so humbled.

Since this book has rocked my understanding of Marriage, I would like you to have a copy too.
Comment below (on the blog please, not on FB) and share your favorite spot to go and rest/recoup. (Your “runaway” spot when things are getting to be too much)..that’s it! I will pick a winner next week!

Good luck and love you all!



14 thoughts on “When Love Dries Up & A Giveaway

  1. Lyndsey says:

    While I would love to say my spot is somewhere exotic and tranquil, most often I don’t actually have the time or money to get away. I’m not a coffee person, so Starbucks isn’t really a getaway. And window shopping at Pottery Barn just gets depressing. If I need to escape, I usually turn to a book I love. I can curl up anywhere and get lost in the story all over again. I usually always have a book with me but it can be a pain to carry around, so now with kindles and such, I have downloaded some of my favorites so they are always easy to access should I need to disappear.

  2. Mrs. Troop says:

    Have the book – but wanted to say after 19 years and 8 kids it really IS one of the best on marriage. And btw, when you keep on loving even when you don’t feel it, things get pretty amazing. Just saying. 🙂

  3. Megan Roberts says:

    Love the post! When I’m having days like those you spoke of I just love having time to myself in my room. It has most everything I need (usually I’m taking lunch or dinner up with me) to relax and unwind. We have a large tub in the master bath and installed a TV on the wall so bubble baths are fun and relaxing too. 😉

  4. Kathryn Carrington says:

    I hear you girl! Sounds like a good book. We all need to be reminded of this truth. Thanks. This past year I went to Glen Ivy ALL DAY on Mother’s day and Lake Arrowhead for a long weekend yoga retreat in the summer. Both were amazing and super needed. Since those were “once a year” things (that I suggest all women do), I depend on my weekly yoga class for that much needed break away. It’s amazing how much a drive alone mixed with a kick butt class and a shower can do for me.

  5. Elizabeth root says:

    I’m not married but I think preparing my mind and heart for marriage since I’m dating quite the keeper would be wise. When things get overwhelming I head to sunset cliffs to this certain bluff south from the road and think and sometimes sing worship songs and pray. It brings life back into perspective and keeps me humble. This book sounds wonderful!

  6. Rebekah Womack says:

    I rarely get the chance but I go across the street to the Columbia river and collect thoughts and pray. I think I only got the chance to go alone 3 x last year. But where I’d like to be is alone in big fluffy white soft bed.

  7. amandaroberts84 says:

    Aaron and I love getting away to San Diego. It’s beautiful, there’s so much to do, and you can’t beat the California burritos at Lolita’s. Long Beach and Newport Beach are nice substitutes when we don’t have as long of a babysitting slot. For alone getaway time, I love sitting at a coffee shop or deal-hunting at clothing stores.
    Decide to love- wise words that I need to hear!

  8. amandaroberts84 says:

    I love getting away to San Diego with the hubby. It’s beautiful, there’s so much to do, and you can’t beat the California burritos at Lolita’s. Long Beach and Newport Beach are good too when we have a shorter babysitting time slot. For alone getaways, I love leisurely coffee shop time, and deal hunting at clothing stores.
    I hear ya on the extravert thing and being cooped up. Not easy.
    Decide to love- wise words I need to hear. Thank you.

  9. Viviana says:

    Oh.My.Goodness. Jeniece, I can’t even tell you how much I needed to read this! (I notice this quite often with your blog posts) Marriage is so hard. Ugh I’ve always hated admitting that anything (along the lines of marriage and motherhood) is hard, but I’ve recently allowed myself to realize it’s OKAY to feel this way. I’ve been married just over 3 years, and let me tell you, what I just read truly spoke to my heart and brought me much needed encouragement! Thank You for being so real and honest!
    Anyway, favorite place to escape to? Hmmm…to be quite honest I haven’t had a chance to escape anywhere by myself that I can remember in quite sometime. But I can tell you where I dream of escaping to. I lived two blocks away from the beach in Mexico and I would “sneak” out /sometimes at night/ (Oh Lord, I pray my daughter is nothing like me as a teen!haha) walk those two blocks, to the ultimate rocky ledge that overlooked a vast, and beautiful ocean. I remember staying there for hours. Either planning my future, crying, or just soaking it all in. Sunsets were the best. Sometimes I find myself closing my eyes (on a particularly hard day) hearing those waves crash onto the sand, and try to taste the salt in the air. Yes, that would be where I would choose to escape. Thanks for letting me share! (Sorry to make you read ALL of that!😳)
    May your day be blessed! ❤

  10. Paige Beyer says:

    Loved your post!! My favorite place to rest and get away would be anywhere as long as I have my favorite coffee drink and my bible! I don’t get to do this very often so when I get the chance I make it count!!

  11. Nicole Huysman says:

    Such a good read. I’m starting to understand this now that I’m married. When you are dating you hang out with the person because you want to, when your married, you have to. lol My get away spot is grabbing lunch or dinner with a girl friend.

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