Leaning into it

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Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

Now that the wretched first trimester has come to completion, I can begin to see the light once more. Hello, world!

Apologies are appropriate for continued normal life function (which I am currently pursuing again). To my husband who couldn’t find clean underwear, but could find an unshowered, crying wife..and nothing in the fridge besides kiwi’s and frozen waffles (anyone else crave carbs every day, all day?). To my Moe pup, who heard me grumble every time I took him to see the outside world for a few minutes. To my toddler, who had to wake me up from falling asleep at 7pm while reading her a story. Ah, I feel better. Forgive, please?

All jokes aside, the past few months have been a struggle. I now feel like I can join the pregnancy is not always my favorite club. Thanks for the warm welcome, y’all.

Without any other reasonable choice, I have been leaning in. Marinating in the love of my maker, letting his grace fill meโ€ฆtoes and upward. Without it, I can do absolutely nothing of eternal value. As this baby stretches my tummy so he or she can grow, I feel my need to delight in our Lord also grow. I forget how much he can invade your life when you are begging. I’ts humbling how he loves me just as much when I feel completely unworthy. His love never changes. Isaiah 64:8 comes to mind.

Reese and I got to see baby #2 kick, wave, and suck their thumb this past Tuesday. I was brought to tears as I saw this new life begin formed. That no matter how many hard or long days occur, this is a miracle and a gift. That no matter what happens, God is good. A reminder to be thankful for the low times and the high times. To be vulnerable and present when things are hard. To know that a quick escape from hard times is temporary and unsatisfying. To sit in the uncomfortable and wait. To look around, to feel. To journal, to lean in. To embrace.

Thanks for walking this journey with me, I am honored that you take a moment to read.

J

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